Do nuh stone mi

(Please don't stone me)

So much has been happening in the Jamaican news over the last couple of days that I am somewhat at a loss as to where to begin.  Quite a stir was created when a local media house carried a report concerning the content of a certain text which caused offence and outrage (at least to the parents of those who use the book, many of who heard the news report and obviously the Minister of Education since the book has been ordered removed and rewritten).  I unfortunately missed the original news report but was made aware of it by the hullabaloo created by some of my colleagues and the questions my 10th grade students threw at me as they sought my opinion.  I was then brought up to speed by a follow-up news report that indicated the text contained acknowledgement of homosexual relations in a manner that was far too explicit for this homophobic nation. 

I smile at the outrage because the response brought to my mind the Jamaican saying "play wid puppy 'im tun 'roun lick yuh mout'" which basically means if one allows small things to go uncorrected or allows seemingly insignificant things to remain unchecked, one will get results one finds to be less than favourable.  When a former Jamaican Prime Minister had explicitly stated that he did not want any person of homosexual persuasion to be a part of his Cabinet, he was lambasted by many as narrow in his thinking.  Perhaps in a bid to avoid similar responses, the current Prime Minister had very boldly acknowledged that she took no issue with homosexuals actively serving in her Cabinet as members of the government, going as far as to state that the government will examine existing legislation concerning homosexual acts.  Incidentally, there has been much talk recently about having buggery laws repealed and Jamaica has even come under some fire by international communities with respect to our legal and social positions concerning homosexuality... woii wat ha hatoclaps (this is excitingly dramatic).

In my estimation the response to this text has been anti-climatic and merely comes on the heels of rapidly declining morals that pervade this nation, to be added to the other nine days' wonders that cause a stir before it is placed into the file thirteens of most of the public minds.  My response may sound pessimistic but the reality is not enough persons expressed outrage because of a moral recognition of wrong or right, rather a feeling brought about by current preferences.  Many of the mainstream texts used in schools acknowledge Common Law unions as another form of marriage.  Such arrangements are so common place that only very strict Christians seem to take issue with them.  Visiting relationships are acknowledged and accepted, I shrug my shoulders and ask what then is the basis of the outrage?  This "Christian" nation that calls fire and brimstone on gays is the same one that accords similar rights of possession to couples who split after a period of time in a Common Law union as those in a marital union.  Didn't the God who spoke against homosexuality also speak against fornication, adultery, all sexual perversion?

More than anything I believe this is a wake up call to those of us who are genuine Christians, not to lambaste any specific group but to remind ourselves that the God we serve absolutely loves people but absolutely hates sin.  Some sinners are not worse than others, all have fallen short, all have been found wanting and in need of God's forgiveness.  More than anything my prayer is to be loving and not judgemental, after all it's God's grace that has changed me.   Love however is NOT tantamount to ignoring sin because one thinks a certain sin is not as bad as...  Our take on sin cannot be based on what is currently socially popular.  Jamaica may not have embraced it yet but I will not play ostrich.  Homosexuality is out there, it is globally popular and many socially and financially influential people practise or endorse the practise of this behaviour, so what are we going to do about it?  We must be firm in our stance against it, not with impractical outbursts "fi bun dem" (destroy them), but with conviction stemming from the foundation of God's Word.  Years ago many tried to conceal their decision to engage in sexual relations with the man/woman to whom they were not yet married.  Now, one is thought ignorant, naive, foolish, if one decides to marry without first "trying out" and testing for sexual compatibility.  Social morals change, it is a fact!  Convictions then have to be based on more that what is currently socially acceptable.

Gardening 101

My mom is big on taking care of her plants.  My sister and I... um... not so much.  Though I love to look at lush, well kept, nourished plants, I have zero interest in making them look that way.  A few months ago I was guest speaker at a local primary school.  As a token of their gratitude they presented me with a lovely potted plant... poor plant (I'm guessing it's still alive because my apartment complex has a grounds' man and the plant's been outside since I had got home that afternoon).  Sadly, until I began writing this piece I had not given it a second thought.  There are two other plants on the porch that I occasionally water; and though I have often promised myself that I will be better at tending to these plants there is no real interest (thank God for the grounds' man - I sometimes see the soil around those porch plants wet).  If my plants could be nurtured by my good intentions I would not have a problem, action however is what is required.

I unequivocally hold to the view that spiritual lives are like plants.  Christians who are like my porch plants are not systematically watered.  They get a bit when/if they attend weekly church services, or if some passerby shares a word with them.  They nevertheless struggle to survive because no real care is given to them; and though they are not exactly wilting, their potential is not maximised and they lack the luster and strength that proper nutrition would give.  The ones like my mother's plants that are watered daily and given plant food, have their leaves frequently wiped to get rid of dust, are talked to and re potted depending on their needs, experience a communion with God that can only be shared by those who are willing to delve into their Bibles, pray, meditate and allow God to speak to them. 

I am by no means even suggesting that such persons have perfect lives because that is impossible in this realm.  I am however pointing out the measure of spiritual success that is translated to their physical lives as they respond to distressing situations in a manner that confuses most onlookers.  I have looked at many Christians whom I admire not because they are popular and loudly display what is generally thought to be the righteous way of living.  On the contrary, it is often their quiet fortitude that encourages me.  This is not obtained by haphazard watering but through frequent, deliberate and meaningful time in study and prayer.

In highlighting how important our private time with God is, one of my pastors referenced St. Mark 4:34, showing that it was during the private times with His disciples that Jesus unveiled much of His teachings.  Only those who were with Him in private were privy to the meanings of what He said.  A two hour church service (even if one attends all four that are customarily held by most churches) cannot sufficiently meet ones need and that's a fact! 

I've learnt that I cannot apply my physical gardening techniques to my spiritual life, not if I want to be lush and beautiful.

Watch your eyes what they see

 

As a child I learnt a song in Sunday School that included the lines

"...watch your eyes, watch your eyes what they see..."

Until I became an adult I never realised the profound reality expressed in its simple words; but do we even take a second thought to how deliberate we are in choosing what we see?

During the preview segment at the movies lately I was reminded of the way the god of this world has attempted to nullify the seriousness of the existence of evil.  Patrons are seemingly more amused or excited by the darkest films.  The closer their resemblance to demons and creatures associated with them, or the more extreme the bloodshed or amoral the actions of the characters is the more success the films seem to have at the box offices.

I agree with those who believe that although the Biblical prophecies in Revelation do not speak to literal beasts, if one did in fact appear our world would embrace it.  Sad reports from survivors from the Aurora, Colorado cinema shooting revealed that when the gunman initially opened fire many patrons had assumed the tear gas and shooting to be props inserted by the theatre to enhance the thrill of the movie experience.  It was not until people started to die that they recognised the gravity of their situation.

I am an avid movie goer but have had to seriously tailor my choice of movies for the mere fact that I do not wish to become accustomed to that which will alter my response to evil and immorality.  That means I now go to the movies perhaps once per month instead of every weekend and only a few select television programmes have become my source of entertainment. 

My extreme attitude has come on the heels of the realisation that what I see affects me far more than I even considered, and Scripture highlights that.  Several years ago I had a defining moment when I realised the profanity that was whispered from my lips or in my thoughts when I had a bad experience with a fellow motorist, stubbed my toe or had something slip from my hands.  This had become a part of me not because anyone in my regular circles spoke this way, but because I had taken no care as to what I viewed on a regular basis.  This was how the characters of the programmes I watched behaved and very soon I had become so accustomed to this type of response that I adopted it as well.

I hold firmly to the belief that in order to be a disciple of God radical actions have to be taken to insulate ourselves against that which will subtly influence us.  We cannot adopt a frivolous approach to what we take in or very soon we may be forced to marvel at the man in the mirror.

There's a cost?

I had the interesting privilege of reading an article recently that spurred a myriad of emotions within me.  It was directed to women and the writer spoke about the cost of delaying marriage; suggesting among other things that many of the post feminist era babies have been taught to accept an ideology that is really a farce.  Women don't really want education and successful careers, they want husbands and babies.  The problem is the ones who don't have it only recognise this when their biological clocks start ticking on fast forward and the worthy men are no longer available.  In fact, since most of us opt to pursue education, careers and success prior to husbands, babies and housework; we find ourselves 30+, single and unfulfilled.  We then queue in front of fertility clinics or drown our sorrows in white wine in the company of equally unfortunate spinsters.   The writer went on to point out that those who traverse this route are left with the slim pickings of multiple divorcees, social misfits and other such undesirables, "immature, elusive Peter Pans who won't commit themselves to a second cup of coffee let alone a second date" (I apologise to my post 20s single male readers I'm just reiterating what some other writer said).

I think the article resonated so strongly with me because it was 1. Posted on a Christian website and 2. Later defended by one of the said site's writers (both articles are long but certainly worth a read).  My first question was where does God play in all of this?  What of the women who truly desire to be married but have not yet been found?  I had to lol (laugh out loud) when I read the defender's point that "being single does provide the chance to be uniquely intimate with Jesus. Enjoy that. But don't advertise it", and here I was thinking I was pleasing God by highlighting how thrilled I am serving Him when I should have been more concerned about not giving the wrong impression to possible suitors (I know sarcasm doesn't always show in print - but I'm being sarcastic here).

There was also a suggestion that when some women choose to marry in their early 20s modern women view them pitiably as though they have thrown their lives away by becoming wives and possibly mothers.  My mother married young.  In fact when she was my age she'd already had four children (RIP my brothers).  But she also went to college; and until she retired a few years ago had a long and rewarding career as a teacher.  I know many other persons who have had similar experiences so I dare not suggest that marrying young is some kind of flaw (granted I do believe it would have been better for some persons to delay marriage so that they work on personal development because those issues are often directly related to the failure of some marriages).  The women who believe that marriage and families will prevent educational and career success are misguided or uninformed.  Most assuredly, because of additional responsibility and commitment, the paths to such successes of women with families will be charted very differently from those of the women who are unmarried, still it is not impossible.  Nevertheless I unequivocally hold to the view that though there are women who ignored marriage and family because they first sought education, money or fame and thought a husband would prevent or at the very least delay their targets; it is quite narrow to suggest that all women in their 30s and beyond have remained unmarried for those reasons.  In fact I would dare to suggest that those who comprise the former group are a mere minority and many women in fact developed that gung-ho career driven attitude because they realised early that to depend on a marriage and family for personal fulfilment was not only archaic (especially since World War II when our "usefulness" outside of the home took a whole new spin) but unrealistic.  One's identity must exist apart from a spouse.  This approach does not negate the unity that a husband and wife should have but in fact enriches it.  As a result there are women who have sought to establish themselves prior to having families because they knew they were not willing to make the sacrifice of simultaneously trying to attain both. Shouldn't that be an admirable action?  Are there not women who sought to garner their successes at the expense of neglecting their families?

There has to be a balance and I think the writer of the original article has ignored that fact.  I was disappointed too by the writer of the defence article because I believe that she negated the role of God's divine plan in orchestrating marriages.  The second writer in particular seemed to limit the entire issue to sexual relations.  Certainly sex is and should be a major part of a marital relationship and those who are unmarried and committed to obedience to God should not participate in sexual activities, but is it being suggested that those who marry later in life are guaranteed to fail in this area?  What if they have not been called to celibacy but have not married fresh out of high school, will that mean their Christian lives will struggle because they are not permitted to have sex? 

I think the cost that should be analysed is that of making the wrong decision concerning marriage, that deserves more study than anything else.  I am appalled and annoyed that the focus of this writer's discussion would be limited to a suggestion that women who marry later (whether by choice or circumstance) become desperate, whining even irritable women "staring down the now mysteriously empty tunnel". 

Self Righteous Pricks!

How often I've classified the Biblical Scribes and Pharisees as legalistically right yet spiritually wrong.  It's amazing however how quickly many of us point a finger without noticing the three turned back at us.

Having been brought up in a Christian home in which I was made to go to church every week and participate in church activities, I never really got into anything bad.  Later when I chose to accept Jesus Christ as my Saviour and the Lord of my life, I made the decision to continue to do  the things that were customary for church people.  The point is for a long time I supposed that because I wasn't a bad person, (fortunately I never vocalised this misconception) less of Jesus' blood was needed to wash me from my sin.  Talk about a misguided approach!  Not one of us outside of the power of Jesus Christ has the ability to be good.  "For all have sinned..." the good book says and all need God's divine intervention for healing to take place.  It is not my upbringing or actions that have made me good as far as God is concerned; for one's mother, father, sibling, spouse or other relative has no bearing on one's spiritual state, and Jesus Christ is the only contact we can use to get into Heaven. 

Realising that from a spiritual stand point I am no better than the man/woman who came to Jesus after he had raped, robbed or murdered has been quite sobering.  The self-aggrandising nature of most of us makes this an extremely bitter pill to swallow but I have opted to use it to challenge me to rep Christ to the fullest since I haven't earned my place in the kingdom - it was given to me just like everybody else. 

I'm grateful for the scars my upbringing has helped to shield me from; but it is a reality that if I truly want to please God it's what I do with Jesus that counts.

House Slave vs. Field Slave

Having to spend long hours at the hair dresser can occasionally yield dividends (besides a fantastic hairdo).  In my case, I stumbled upon a 2009 Essence Magazine article that examined the difference between the treatment meted out to fair skinned and dark skinned blacks.  On the one hand one writer suggested that life isn't better for them because they have to constantly 'prove' their blackness to the darker skinned black community; while a second writer quoted statistics highlighting the better opportunities for jobs, dates and general social treatment that seem to favour lighter skinned blacks over their ebony toned counterparts. 

I mused over this for quite a while for besides an occasional vacation in places where because of my racial orientation I may have been considered a part of a 'minority', I have spent my entire life in the Caribbean  and have never truly experienced the kind of bias either writer spoke about.  Admittedly, persons within the Jamaican culture into which I was born and bred do sometimes display an aspect of partiality to fairer skinned blacks.  Jamaicans however suffer more so from a desire to be 'classist' i.e favouritism is more likely to be shown to those who form the wealthier sections of society (incidentally many do in fact appear lighter skinned but the dark skinned persons who are also a part of this group enjoy the same preferential treatment).  Nevertheless I would be lying if I did not recognise that there is an obvious feeling of insecurity among some of the dark skinned - indicated through the rapidly increasing phenomenon of skin bleaching.

 All in all however I have come to the conclusion that such partiality does stem from an unawareness of self that seems to have its root in the history of slavery.  Less than 200 years since its abolition in the British Colonies, and with US Civil Rights activists still living and breathing among us, it does not strike me as entirely strange that a race that spent more years being victimised than liberated would seek to validate itself by trying to identify with those whom they had considered superior.  When blacks begin to discriminate against each other however the situation worsens; for how then can we eradicate the misconceptions?  Albeit a house divided against itself cannot stand.

POLITRICKS

The Jamaican budget presentation is not over so most of us are still quietly hoping that in her speech next Tuesday (June 5, 2012) the Prime Minister will rescind all the tax increases that the Finance Minister talked about... but then if wishes were horses...

Undoubtedly taxation is necessary, where else would governments  get the money they need to run the country?  (Especially ours since we produce and export very little and more money is spent to bailout the entities in charge of the little we do produce instead of the profit being gained to spend elsewhere).  My problem is that the current government has failed to even pretend that they are indeed putting the people first.  They talk about the sacrifices that we all need to make yet they turn around and spend frivolously on non-essentials.  This government has much to do in order to gain an iota of my confidence and support; but because I love my country, I am still holding hope that divine intervention will allow us to evade the economic tsunami that seems to be boding.

Being a restaurant chef requires a different skill from that of the person cooking for a small family in the same way managing the economic welfare of a country will require different expertise from running a small family because of the sheer numbers involved.  Regardless of this difference however there are principles that are unchanging: never spend more than you have, never borrow more than you have the ability to repay, when in a financial jam stick to the needs until you can afford the wants, and the list goes on.  Of course I have no degree in Economics or Accounts and it is always easier to know what ought to be done when someone else has to do it; but I do believe it is a fact that politicians the world over face some difficulty in truthfulness and ours are no exception.  This then brings me to two conclusions: either there is more money than they claim there is and so we are being heavily taxed so they have more to steal; or there is no money and we are being heavily taxed because they continue to mismanage even what they do gain from taxing us.  It makes no sense to buy a Range Rover if you cannot afford to service and repair it properly when if you bought a deportee (Toyota Corolla) you would be able to keep it in mint condition.  The problem with too many people in this country (and politicians in particular) is we love to floss (show off) and we are more concerned about trying to make people believe (well the international community since those of us who actually live here know what the deal is) that we can eat, drive, buy anything or travel to any place they can when the reality is nutten nuh guh suh (it is untrue).  Naturally there are wealthy people in this country and economic turmoil for them means eating ox tail six instead of seven days per week, but the majority of the people in this country have grave difficulty in affording basic essentials (maybe I should refrain from saying that out loud since this blog is on the Internet and people outside of this country might learn how bad things are for some people).

I was at a crossroads between  amused and annoyed when, as part of his grandmother's Jubilee celebration, Prince Henry (Harry) of Wales visited Jamaica and I learnt just how much was spent to prepare for the Prince's arrival and visit.  The Tourist Board will tell how immeasurable the advertising of Jamaica was just from the Prince's presence here and that is truly wonderful.  Nevertheless I am concerned that far too much was spent from the national coffers and we are too often concerned about making a big impression at the expense of facing reality.    I am also pretty big on birthdays and even as an adult I start counting down a month before my birthday therefore I am excited about the fact that Jamaica turns 50 this August.  Truthfully however, if I were turning 50 in my current state, I would have to trim my celebrations several notches.  Milestone or not, it makes zero sense to increase your debt just because it is expected that certain things be done.  Sure you only turn 50 once but celebrate the achievements, acknowledge the accomplishments of the many on a really small scale, nuh baddah guh spen' money yuh nuh have jus' so people can seh party tun up (Don't spend what you do not have so others can applaud your celebrations).  When I turned 30 I wanted a gala affair but could not afford it so a few friends and I went to dinner, had some laughs and called it a night.  Disappointed?  Sure... you only turn 30 once, but at least I have enough time and better resources to plan for the 40th!  I am hoping the government will consider the current state, ignore the noise makers and make the right decision.

  

I am quite sceptical of politicians in general and I certainly do not trust this current government; but I am looking forward to the next year primarily because I am curious about the effectiveness of the new taxation being levied upon us.  If ever I hope to be wrong, it is now.

Disturb who? ...pssh

Am I the only one who takes issue with persons playing the radios/music files on their phones out loud in public places?  What makes it worse, the music is often rather distasteful and even often offensive.  When I complain I come off as being the miserable lady.

Very recently I sat in the waiting room of one of the local hospitals and there was a man playing his music quite loudly.  I was rather appalled that no one from hospital staff came and told him to shut the damned thing off (but then this is the same place that has signs asking people to put their phones on "silent" but after several trips there I'm convinced I may be the only one).  At first I thought the man's phone was merely ringing but when it continued then went to another song, I shockingly realised the man was playing his personal music... out loud!  This time however the music was religious and not offensive, but nevertheless disrupting my peace.  I told the gentleman very politely that his music was a little too loud and I'd like him to turn it down.  He complied, but not after giving me the how dare you stare.  What struck me further was this man had headphones around his neck!  I'm going to take it for granted that those headphones had stopped working.

More public buses are being fitted with sound systems and music is  blasted from them.  Isn't there a law against that?  I've often blushed with embarrassment at some of the lyrical content being spewed at me; but whether offensive or not the fact is on public transport I should have the right to quiet and if I decide to listen to music I should wear headphones and not force everyone to endure my music choices.  The operative word of course is should for in most cases it's to hell with what I want to think about or the fact that I just want to sleep.  This jolts another memory of me taking a four hour bus ride on one service and the driver ignoring my repeated request to turn the music down.  Lucky for me, one speaker was situated almost immediately above my head which made my intention to sleep !muy imposible!  I am elated when I get on a public bus in which the radio has mal-functioned and it is often amusing to hear some fellow passengers complain of how boring the bus ride is :-)

My exercise route  is a very popular one and though I once exercised while listening to music (plugged into my ears via my headphones)  I've grown to prefer the music of my own thoughts.  That has been disturbed as I've seen/heard many persons along the trek with their music being played out loud and they have no headphones!  Are we all going mad?  My once tranquil exercise/nature walk now sounds like someone is rapidly changing the stations of a radio as different sounds are coming from these different phones.  I now have to wear headphones to keep the noise out; but is that fair to me?  Why should they have more liberties to the use of public space than I do?

Royal Caribbean cruise line has come up with the idea of silent parties which is grossly ironic since you choose to go to a party and expect to hear loud music of various kinds.  Their rationale is that sometimes a patron may dislike what it is being played at a particular moment and to combat that patrons get headphones and have the liberty to change the music/DJ as they dance.  Talk about ingenuity!  Now if only their planning/marketing people can have a sit down with Joe Public.

Sure Women Are Worse Drivers...

...That's why they have fewer accidents, kill less people (including themselves) or visit the body repair section of the mechanic shops less frequently...

 

Maybe twenty years ago or more when women started learning to drive later than men or because they were a minority and somebody needed to be the butt of "bad driver" jokes or even just because society suggested that the men do all the driving, women might have been thought of as worse drivers.  Statistics (and insurance companies) will prove however that coming a close second to the world is flat lie, nothing is now further from the truth.  I will even dare say that one will find men who are equally bad drivers. 

Yeah I said it it!

Stereotypes are a heck of a thing and one would be surprised as to how much they influence our thinking and even how we socialise our children.  Boys go pick up the trash/leaves out in the yard while girls clean up inside; boys watch daddy and learn to change a flat, while girls watch mommy and learn to cook; boys go wash the car and girls go do the laundry...

Naturally these are mere stereotypes and some families are sensible enough to allow their kids to learn balanced duties while some, because of their make up, are forced into teaching the balance.  I believe however that 21st century families are doing a better job than their predecessors, which brings me back to my point that women are no worse drivers than men.

I know I have been guilty of these stereotypes too.  Every time I see a driver do something unnecessarily risky/foolish or bully another motorist I immediately think "that must be a man" or if I see someone being unnecessarily cautious I think "that must be a woman" and I'm usually very surprised if my supposition is wrong.  That reality solidifies my point that men and women are equally good/bad drivers and any other thought is a dated stereotype.  That's why you have female drivers in the Indy 500 and men whose speedometer scarcely goes over 70km/hour (even when nothing's wrong with their vehicle), women who are mechanics and men who'd be lost if it wasn't for the picture showing where wiper fluid should be poured. 

I know some people who would be quick to say that because of sheer numbers in their road presence men would seem to have more accidents; but if we start talking percentages men would still have more accidents, and if we worked off accidents alone men would earn the worse drivers award.  Bad driving however includes more than just accidents: it includes poor use of the road, not seeming to know the size of the vehicle being driven and as such not making proper judgements re passing/parking, not obeying speed limits or road signs/signals, being discourteous to other road users, ignorance of road codes... and the list continues. 

Driving entails more than moving a vehicle from Point A to Point B and because of this we have a tie.  In 2012 I don't think women are any worse at driving than are men...

... but that's just my opinion.

Train 'em up!

Kudos to Rev. Dr. Eral Lewis who this past Sunday, May 27, 2012, was special guest speaker at Windsor-Castle-Independent-Baptist-Church's annual Family Day.  As he spoke I was riveted by his words (wish WCBC did the whole taping of sermons thing because I'd have loved to hear that one again) but I thought to myself that in 20 years (or maybe even less) our free world is going to censor such talk and perhaps label him as one inciting whatever they come up with.  Isn't it funny that if one takes a Biblical stance against anything you are labelled as "old-fashioned", "bigoted", "narrow-minded", among other things; and one is only free to express views that line up with what is currently socially popular?  Still, I must not allow myself to become perturbed by this because the Bible prophesied that this would happen... but I digress. 

The goodly Reverend's sermon was focused on the command given to God's people in Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and how important it is for us to apply that command to our modern families if we hope to leave a godly heritage. 

"Digest the Word of God deeply, Declare the Word of God diligently and map your Direction (decision making) by the Word of God".  We wonder why families are dying yet we ignore the prerequisites that God, the maker of families, established.  It's like people ignoring the Surgeon General's warning and then wondering why they get lung cancer. 

I big up Derek and Joan everyday for modelling the whole godly approach.  Growing up I hated it 100% but they still used the rod of correction and taught the Word diligently.  I have become wise enough to look back and thank God they believed in training the child in the way to go.

As we come to the close of May (celebrated in Jamaica as Child's Month) I hope that the local watch groups for the preservation of the rights of the child get the twist out of their undies and realise that endangering the welfare of a child includes refusing to punish them for inappropriate behaviour.  Albeit abuse is real and the full extent of the law should be meted out on those who practise such, we are often too quick to jump on that waggon that seems to be travelling in the direction that gives children (who by virtue of sheer youth and inexperience often don't know what's good for them) the liberties that we older folk earned because we've lived long enough.  My dad prefaced my beatings with "I'm beating you because I love you" as he got out his special beating ruler.  All my beatings further included a five minute sit-down explaining why a particular beating was necessary.  Strangely I remember those frequent pre-beating counselling sessions and I am here to shout that I am a better woman for it!

Let me quickly add that beating is not the only form of punishment neither is it appropriate for every infraction, I can immediately identify some people whom I know so-so beating neva work pan (merely beating them proved ineffective), especially if that beating was spur of the moment, irrationally thrown blows.  My point is children need the whole package.  They need to know they are loved, so as you correct them you must also play with them, reward them, talk to them...

They'll love you for it tomorrow.

Fear What?....Fear Not!

It's been said that  fear is irrational and on many levels I believe it is.  I have two people who are close to me who are ridiculously (my view) afraid of cockroaches and lizards.  Surely these creatures will gross you out, but the ones that are often seen running in the houses in Jamaica and The Bahamas are fortunately not poisonous, still my loved ones are fearful to the point of hyperventilation.  If we are truly honest with ourselves however, every person has that something that makes him/her shudder; but what do we do when that fear crawls in?  To that person who is afraid the rationale behind their phobia is very real...if only to them.  Most cannot articulate the specific reason for this feeling, they only know it's there and that they can't seem to shake it.

I recently decided to do some introspection in order to identify some of my fears so that I could work at overcoming them, that's the way to beat 'em right?  Face 'em.  My approach however took a spiritual spin to it.  I've realised that some will be more easily beaten than others but that hasn't quelled my desire to tackle them.  I also recently read an article about a woman who gave in to her fear of remaining childless.  It immediately brought me in remembrance of Abraham and Sarah of the Bible, who in Genesis 16 - 17 decided to take matters into their own hands because they feared God was a little behind time with the promised heir.  The amazing repercussions of that action brought about by fear is evidenced by the Middle East upheavals even today.  My point is fear exists at the absence of love, and by love I mean spiritual love that comes from trust in God.

It is a little tricky to try to define fear.  The English language is sometimes so limited that the use of the same word for various meanings may influence us to use the word so loosely that we misunderstand its importance.  When I have a reverential fear (as we ought to have for God), it is one birthed from respect, a knowledge of who He is; similarly the fear/awareness of the reality of the consequences brought about from making bad decisions, are positive and not to be confused with the fear/anxiety brought on by a threat, often unfounded, of  some unpleasant experience.  I had a fear of drowning that existed from youth well into adulthood.  My fear was so strong that I could feel my body constricting every time I would stand in a swimming pool or in the sea at the beach.  I was extremely nervous when I had to go on a boat or a raft and wasted my afternoons for an entire semester attending swimming lessons while in college.  It was not until I released the fear that I was able to begin to learn and progress as a swimmer or enjoy a boat ride.  Instead of permitting that fear to overpower and control my emotions, I sought and executed the steps that would help me to surmount my barriers.  Certainly thousands have succumbed to the unfortunate fate of drowning, but knowledge of that reality has served to inspire and not prevent me. 

What do you fear?
Why are you afraid?
How can you begin baby stepping towards and over that fear?

Rejection...

rejectdefined

Perhaps next to losing a loved one, rejection is the single most painful reality that we have to deal with.  It is a natural human instinct to feel needed/wanted/appreciated, so when it seems that we're not, it hurts to the core.  That hurt I believe goes beyond a human ego, but instead attacks a person's feeling of self worth. 

What do you do after you've been rejected?

•  Pretend it doesn't matter?
• Crumble in self pity?
• Accept it, cry or sulk for a minute then move on?

Everyone knows what the most practical answer is; but it is not by any means the easiest.  How can I move on when that rejection has highlighted or created insecurities?  Why am I not good enough for him/her?  Why am I not good enough to make the team or be shortlisted for that job interview or get that promotion?  I've been there and asked those very questions.  Nothing is wrong with taking a moment to re assess yourself or make necessary adjustments (we all know that nobody's perfect and we all could use a little tweaking from time to time).  The key to effectively moving on however is realising that if you're a Christian, God is not out to get you and will not hold anything back that is good for you biblegateway.com and if it doesn't happen when/how you want it God has other plans in store for you biblegateway.com.  Cop out?  No!  Reality check?  Yes!  If you're not a Christian then the whole "Let Go, Let God" concept will not make much sense to you, but instead seem mighty stupid.  Before you dismiss it however, really try God (and I don't mean the God somewhere out there in space, but the real personal Jesus Christ) you won't be disappointed (and that's God's guarantee, not mine).

So what's the move forward?  Have you or any of your proposals, job applications or other efforts been rejected lately?  I know all too well how you feel but take a positive spin to it.  Look back at it and see if there is anything that could've been presented better.  If it's just right as it is then it's that person's loss, move on.

Yes you can!

POST IT!

I was in discussion with some friends recently about how public this era has become.  Every person deems him/herself to be the star of their own reality show and this is facilitated by the numerous social media available to these "no name" stars.

If I'm walking down the street and something unusual happens, my first instinct is to grab my smartphone and post it.  I got my first cell phone twelve years ago after I'd left college, now if I leave home and somehow forgot to bring it with me I return home for it, and if I can't return home I experience ridiculous feelings of anxiety until I'm reunited with my phone.  Have I gone crazy?!  There are many people whose feelings, wardrobe, menu etc I am aware of every minute of the day all because they are busy posting and I'm busy following their posts. 

The tag line often used is that we are in the information age, but are we acquiring useful information?  I know I have had to check myself recently because I have become too addicted to this kind of life, I fear that if I'm not careful God'll have to read my posts to hear what I'm feeling, for though he can already read my thoughts and emotions I do not utter them to Him.  My first thought upon waking is too often "update my status and see what everyone else is saying".

There's nothing wrong with been tech savvy, sharing information or wanting to be aware of what is happening in the world around you; but balance (there goes my new favourite word again) is crucial to healthy living.  In another setting the Apostle Paul warned against doing something merely because it was not wrong biblegateway.com and the same principle can be applied when dealing with our information craved society. 

Check yourself:

• Is your social media page the first n last thing on your mind everyday? 
• Do you have "friends" on your page whom you don't even recognise if you see them in the street? 
• Will God need to send you a friend request in order to know your daily thoughts and experiences? (unless of course He read your mind)

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

SUB TOPIC: Miss Right vs. Miss Right Now

 

Is the whole "right person" concept a myth?  How about the ancient Greek philosophy of finding your other half?  Is there any truth to that?

My heart literally weeps for the many people I know who have fooled themselves into believing there is that one right person out there somewhere.  This misconception has resulted in them ignoring meaningful possibilities all too hastily dismissing those who in a real sense display the characteristics that they deeply desire.  Worse, are those who believe that dem haffi tek wha dem can get (Jamaican dialect for accepting what's available), and some years ago some imbecile (my opinion) also penned the words "if you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with", further promoting the fallacy.  These ideas feed us with a sense of hopelessness and make us believe we have no control or part to play in this romantic love experience.  Immediately one might ask "aren't the two opposites of each other?"  Therefore, "if I'm not waiting for my Mr/Miss Right am I not in effect settling for Mr/Miss Right Now?"

 

There is no one person that the universe brings to you and your life is unhappy/incomplete until he/she is found.  With the population size of this planet there are bound to be quite a few people who share similarities despite the disparities of languages and cultures.  In the simplest way possible I'm suggesting to you that when you encounter the right person your experience is going to be different from the way the movies and story books present it.  Mr/Miss Right will not come without flaws (at least not if he/she is human).  They will not have it all together and make your problems disappear.  In fact, that man or woman is only right because you have met someone with whom you share core qualities like a common faith, or goals, or values.  Does that mean you will never have disagreements?  Absolutely not!  It does mean however that the things that pull you together far outweigh those that make you disagree.  Your life will not be perfect, not when we still have those natural selfish tendencies, but it will mean that greater effort is made to put some of these aside  for the sake of that companion's pleasure (is that my idealist voice speaking?).  Some people may have already met their Mr/Miss Right, they just don't realise it yet because they're kinda busy with Mr/Miss Right Now. 

The problem with the Mr and Miss Right Nows is that they fill a temporary void; and if the truth be told, the things that draw you together do not come from any sustainable qualities.  Money, sex, looks, a desire for children, a rebound from a bad experience or a cure for loneliness are a few of the more popular reasons some of us settle for Right Nows in our lives.  We often know beforehand that there is a very short future where these persons are concerned or we hope that in time we can bring them to view things the way we do.  We ignore the fact that the only thing that draws us together is that one thing that can change with the weather.

How do you then avoid going after the right nows instead of holding out for the right man/woman?  Work on you! Andy Stanley asked "are you the person you're looking for is looking for?"  Finding the right person requires that you first become the right person (right person myth).  What are some characteristics in your life that need tweaking?  Some people have been fortunate enough to find that proverbial right one without the hiccups of bad relationship choices, hurray for them.  Others have however had numerous trial and error experiences and often because they were expecting to find their right though they were looking with the wrong kinds of lens.

Many times we are made to believe it's ok to accept that he/she only meets that immediate desire... so what if it doesn't work out?  We'll just find someone who meets that other immediate desire... and so on.  I guarantee that if you ask those persons how that M.O is working for them most will speak to despondence and unfulfillment.  So what are you going to do?

I now pronounce you Mr and Mrs...

Baby Mama

Baby mama (1)

Baby mama (2)

The news of the pregnancy of model Yendi Phillips and singer Daniel "Chino" McGreggor has caused outrage in some circles as some persons are astonished by what they term as Yendi's relegation to the "baby mama" status. I'm amused by some of the responses since she's not the first popular person to become pregnant by the man she's currently dating, I therefore don't see why this announcement has caused such a stir.  I'm at a loss too as to why so many people would be disappointed.  It is interesting how conveniently we view morals.  Amidst those who are outraged, none seem to take issue with the fact of the couple's decision to engage in sexual relations despite their not being married (sarcastic voice: after all it's 2012 and nobody really abides by those standards now anyway).  It is the pregnancy that has disgusted them... talk about a double standard.  What's the problem?  They can afford to take care of a kid.

While watching the news recently, I saw a human interest story being broadcast about a woman who is apparently struggling financially because she must raise her five children alone and at the time of the broadcast she had recently lost her job as a domestic helper. Two of the children have mental illnesses and none of the fathers (note plural) are interested in contributing to the well being of their children (and I sure do hope the courts can find and charge them).  Though I have heartfelt compassion for this woman's plight, her situation brings me to the crux of my discussion, baby mama status seems to have so many negative connotations/results attached yet it is so common place.

I do not doubt that there are numerous 'baby daddies' who provide the means for their offspring to live healthy lives.  Their children are properly housed, clothed, fed and educated (round of applause please) and it would be remiss of me to even suggest that these men do not exist.  Nevertheless I continue to marvel at the numbers of deadbeat sperm donors and the negligent women who facilitate them by allowing them to impregnate them and leave (some even doing this to 2, 3, 4 or more women who are sometimes even aware of the man's track record).  Needless to say you do have a few deadbeats who are also married to the mother of their children, but that is for another discussion. 

My question here is why decide to just be a baby mother?  This is not to suggest that you go marry someone so you can have a baby, neither am I suggesting that you must marry someone because of a pregnancy (check out my book lulu.com).  Do the people who are not married to each other plan to have children in this, what I term, uncertain status of their relationship?  Forgive my ignorance but I'm genuinely curious, have we got to a state in our society where we are comfortable with dismissing some of the basic tenets that God has laid out with regard to the creation of families?

Gay Love

Is it just me or does it seem like a whole bunch of people are “coming out” as Diana Ross crooned back in the 80s?  This seeming emergence of gay pride is however nothing new; and if the people of Sodom and Gomorrah hadn’t been dead you probably could have asked them about it. 

What then should one’s approach be?  Granted the ease and rapidity with which information is spread via the media makes it seem that there are ridiculously climbing numbers of persons whose romantic  preferences seem limited to those of a similar sexual orientation.  It is impossible, it would appear, to watch television, read the paper or surf the net and not have that token homosexual man/ woman.  Debates are international as it relates to gay rights and privileges, and legislation is almost daily being created or reviewed to ensure that such persons are accommodated.

What I find most interesting is the response of many heterosexuals.  In both religious and non-religious circles I see four primary responses.  There are the fire and brimstone talkers, quick to highlight the fate of the Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah, latching on to only the homosexuality aspect of those cities' deprivation, failing it seems to note that the judgement came as a result of the grave sin that characterised their lifestyles (Genesis 18:20) and choosing instead to pronounce a similar fate on those who embrace this lifestyle. Then there are those who take the opposite extreme, are sympathetic and avoid any aversion to homosexuality.  Instead they embrace it as a pliable alternative, condemning those who take issue with it as bigots.  There are also those who embrace indifference, that is, they neither support nor oppose this lifestyle.  They couldn’t care less about an individual’s sexual choice since it has little, if anything, to do with the day to day interaction they must have with these persons.   Finally there is the group of those who are (what I term at least) conditionally tolerant, who take no issue with homosexuality as long as those of that persuasion are not members of their family or in their immediate circles. 

Interestingly as it becomes more mainstream, more persons are developing that attitude of indifference.  So what if he/she chooses to become intimately involved with someone of a similar sexual orientation?  Who determines what is wrong or right?  To even suggest that a Biblical attitude be adopted is tantamount to being old-fashioned.  Some have even gone on to religify homosexuality stating that it was God who made their sexual choices what they are. 

I make no apology for my stance on homosexuality.  I categorically believe it is wrong!  And I will sing that song until the cows come home!  Before I get too much applause from one set of extremists however, let me very quickly add that though I believe it to be wrong, I do not in any way support marginalisation, abuse, or any kind of maltreatment meted out to persons who accept this as their lifestyle.   

The God of Christianity speaks against sin.  Everywhere homosexuality is mentioned it is listed with a number of other actions that God deems sinful.  The Apostle Paul very pointedly highlighted, along with homosexuality, several groups of persons who will face the same judgement (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)  He goes on to highlight that at one time or another some of us had actually fit into one of the groups he names.  And yes, some forms of heterosexual relations fall into that category… gasp!

If you ask me, fire and brimstone responses sometimes help to further the cause of homosexuality, especially when it is the religious persons who take this stance.  How does one preach the love of God while simultaneously advocating the destruction of people who need God’s grace?  Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening (James 3:11)?

Spread some love, God's grace is for everyone.  He didn't ask us to love the actions just to love the people. 

Drivah! (Buju Banton voice)

For quite some time I've sought a public medium to air my grievances related to public transportation, or rather the attitudes of those who offer this disservice. 

If you’ve ever had to drive on Jamaican roads there is a plethora of complaints that you could easily make; from the poor signage in some places to the rough spots/pot holes/ craters that force drivers to make an obstacle course of some road ways.  By far however, my most testing reality is taxi drivers (well bus drivers too but since they are fewer in number they don’t manage to tick me off as much).  Maybe I should be grateful since much time is spent calling on the Lord when I have to negotiate their sudden stops to pick up/ let off passengers who encourage their indiscipline by requesting stops at some of the most inappropriate places. 

Some blame slavery; others blame politicians for the aggressive, hustla (hustler) mentality that seems to drive these drivers.  If you are approaching a bus stop and a taxi/ bus driver has stopped there, be mentally prepared for him to pull out in front of you, regardless of how close you already are to him.  If you have stopped at a red light and there is a filter lane at that junction, expect that he will come down in that filter lane and then try to bully you into allowing him to come over into your lane in front of you.

Things get more testy/dangerous if several of them are en route to a major bus stop.  Perhaps some have aspirations of competing in NASCAR for many have surely embraced the style of bobbing and weaving at high speeds through the gaps in the traffic – minus of course the protective gear and the crash quality of the vehicle, and with 5x (or more) the number of passengers. 

“The Word” penned a hilarious account of their experience on public transportation back in the 1980s (youtube/pon a mini bus).  Though there has been change in terms of the quality of some vehicles and the reality of alternatives, much of what those women talked about in their video is hardly different; the speed, the noise, the crowded conditions (of some routes during peak hours) has led me to further endorse the idea that the more things change, the more they remain the same.

I Hate Me!

youtube/India irie

 

 

 

To be obese or to be anorexic?

That is sooo NOT the question!

How about being healthy?

 

 

It’s crazy how I've grown to love the word 'balance', it just keeps popping up in everything; and it’s quite important in order to develop a healthy view of one’s self. Persons of both sexes and of all races and have had to face the music and come to terms with defining beauty.  As a black woman, I have had to deal with the fact that hair has always been a major measuring stick of beauty.  Along with hair however there have been many issues that persons have had to address with this whole concept of beauty.  Of a certainty many Jamaican males and females have an issue with skin complexion and countless researches and discussions have been carried out in a bid to make inroads into the phenomenon of the bleaching of one’s skin.  T.V has not made it easier on those who want to be skinnier (not for health reasons I might add) and ‘everyone’ is bombarded into believing that weight loss will solve their body issues.

 

 

I for one have had inordinate concerns with my body weight; and until recently I was forever trying to lose 30lbs.  Crash diets don’t work.  Starvation doesn’t work.  I haven’t tried diet pills or shakes so I can’t speak to their effectiveness, or lack thereof.  My new mantra however is Health First.  Don’t over eat, but don’t under eat either.  Watch your intake of salts, sugars and saturated fats.  Exercise, drink plenty water, eat more fruits and vegetables, see your doctor and SLEEP!

 

 

I know skinny girls who want to get skinnier still (some want to get fat); and fat girls (though I do think the politically correct expression these days is full figured or fluffy) who want to get skinny.  Those who are dark skinned are trying to get lighter and those who are light skinned sometimes think they are too pale.  Those who can afford it get breast and butt augmentations or reductions for that matter.  Some get face lifts or tummy tucks, liposuction or lip enhancements all with the hope of feeling better about themselves, or at the very least making themselves more 'photogenic', in the typical sense, certainly putting an interesting new spin on being fearfully and wonderfully made. 

 

 

 No number of surgeries will however satisfy that man or woman void of self worth.  Self love means appreciating who you are and making every effort to keep yourself healthy.  In the words of India, “… I am a soul that lives within.”

Sista Fashionista

A male friend recently commented that he thought so many Christian women are too often unattractively dressed.  His statement prompted me to consider where the line of balance ought to be drawn.  Is the appearance to be a big deal?  I don’t claim any fashionista status, and though one of my favorite TV programmes is What Not to Wear (WNTW) on TLC, I conclude that based on 1 Timothy 2:9 biblegateway.com, as women, our primary focus ought to be our inner beauty.  Nevertheless, the average woman is first seen before she is able to dazzle those around her with brilliance, good heart and positive thoughts.  This means that B-A-L-A-N-C-E is ¡muy importante!  To emphasize one over the other is to invite trouble.  Sure you can come as you are but who said you were to stay that way?  One valuable lesson I’ve learnt from WNTW is the need to get a few quality pieces (preferably those you can mix and make several outfits) rather than have a large number of inappropriate attire. These do not need to be expensive pieces either, generic clothes are as popular as generic meds – some of them are just as well made too so really there’s no excuse. 

I often use the story of an incident that occurred when I was a teen to both advise others and keep myself in check.  It was a Sunday morning and I was running late for church.  My dad started the car and threatened to leave so that I would have to walk to church (our church was a 15 minute, uphill, walk away).  To avoid having to endure such a sweaty undertaking, I rushed out of the house.

Body Lotion – check
Comb – check 
Make up – check
Purse – check
I would finish dressing in the church bathroom. 

20 minutes later as I was getting ready to enter the sanctuary I looked around, "where had I put my Bible?" …OOPS!

What’s my point here?  You’re going to have to ensure that your heart is right with God, that your attitude reflects that commitment and that those around you can testify to your genuine love for God and following Him.   But would it hurt if you didn’t look like you just rolled off the couch or your blind great-aunt dressed you?  Do something with your hair! Wear clothes that fit!  When Naomi told Ruth to go present herself to Boaz she told her to fix herself up, she couldn’t wear the clothes she’d been picking wheat in all day biblegateway.com.  Boaz knew Ruth was a nice gal, he’d already been wowed by her selfless actions; but there’s something about a well put together woman that just makes what she’s saying all the more interesting and convincing.

Then of course there’s the flip side, the white-washed sepulchre types who completely ignore the spiritual part of who they claim to be while they doll the outside.  They either look like the women who have no allegiance to Jesus Christ or they spend all their attention and money trying to be beautiful or sexy biblegateway.com.

Today’s word – BALANCE!