Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

SUB TOPIC: Miss Right vs. Miss Right Now

 

Is the whole "right person" concept a myth?  How about the ancient Greek philosophy of finding your other half?  Is there any truth to that?

My heart literally weeps for the many people I know who have fooled themselves into believing there is that one right person out there somewhere.  This misconception has resulted in them ignoring meaningful possibilities all too hastily dismissing those who in a real sense display the characteristics that they deeply desire.  Worse, are those who believe that dem haffi tek wha dem can get (Jamaican dialect for accepting what's available), and some years ago some imbecile (my opinion) also penned the words "if you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with", further promoting the fallacy.  These ideas feed us with a sense of hopelessness and make us believe we have no control or part to play in this romantic love experience.  Immediately one might ask "aren't the two opposites of each other?"  Therefore, "if I'm not waiting for my Mr/Miss Right am I not in effect settling for Mr/Miss Right Now?"

 

There is no one person that the universe brings to you and your life is unhappy/incomplete until he/she is found.  With the population size of this planet there are bound to be quite a few people who share similarities despite the disparities of languages and cultures.  In the simplest way possible I'm suggesting to you that when you encounter the right person your experience is going to be different from the way the movies and story books present it.  Mr/Miss Right will not come without flaws (at least not if he/she is human).  They will not have it all together and make your problems disappear.  In fact, that man or woman is only right because you have met someone with whom you share core qualities like a common faith, or goals, or values.  Does that mean you will never have disagreements?  Absolutely not!  It does mean however that the things that pull you together far outweigh those that make you disagree.  Your life will not be perfect, not when we still have those natural selfish tendencies, but it will mean that greater effort is made to put some of these aside  for the sake of that companion's pleasure (is that my idealist voice speaking?).  Some people may have already met their Mr/Miss Right, they just don't realise it yet because they're kinda busy with Mr/Miss Right Now. 

The problem with the Mr and Miss Right Nows is that they fill a temporary void; and if the truth be told, the things that draw you together do not come from any sustainable qualities.  Money, sex, looks, a desire for children, a rebound from a bad experience or a cure for loneliness are a few of the more popular reasons some of us settle for Right Nows in our lives.  We often know beforehand that there is a very short future where these persons are concerned or we hope that in time we can bring them to view things the way we do.  We ignore the fact that the only thing that draws us together is that one thing that can change with the weather.

How do you then avoid going after the right nows instead of holding out for the right man/woman?  Work on you! Andy Stanley asked "are you the person you're looking for is looking for?"  Finding the right person requires that you first become the right person (right person myth).  What are some characteristics in your life that need tweaking?  Some people have been fortunate enough to find that proverbial right one without the hiccups of bad relationship choices, hurray for them.  Others have however had numerous trial and error experiences and often because they were expecting to find their right though they were looking with the wrong kinds of lens.

Many times we are made to believe it's ok to accept that he/she only meets that immediate desire... so what if it doesn't work out?  We'll just find someone who meets that other immediate desire... and so on.  I guarantee that if you ask those persons how that M.O is working for them most will speak to despondence and unfulfillment.  So what are you going to do?

I now pronounce you Mr and Mrs...

Baby Mama

Baby mama (1)

Baby mama (2)

The news of the pregnancy of model Yendi Phillips and singer Daniel "Chino" McGreggor has caused outrage in some circles as some persons are astonished by what they term as Yendi's relegation to the "baby mama" status. I'm amused by some of the responses since she's not the first popular person to become pregnant by the man she's currently dating, I therefore don't see why this announcement has caused such a stir.  I'm at a loss too as to why so many people would be disappointed.  It is interesting how conveniently we view morals.  Amidst those who are outraged, none seem to take issue with the fact of the couple's decision to engage in sexual relations despite their not being married (sarcastic voice: after all it's 2012 and nobody really abides by those standards now anyway).  It is the pregnancy that has disgusted them... talk about a double standard.  What's the problem?  They can afford to take care of a kid.

While watching the news recently, I saw a human interest story being broadcast about a woman who is apparently struggling financially because she must raise her five children alone and at the time of the broadcast she had recently lost her job as a domestic helper. Two of the children have mental illnesses and none of the fathers (note plural) are interested in contributing to the well being of their children (and I sure do hope the courts can find and charge them).  Though I have heartfelt compassion for this woman's plight, her situation brings me to the crux of my discussion, baby mama status seems to have so many negative connotations/results attached yet it is so common place.

I do not doubt that there are numerous 'baby daddies' who provide the means for their offspring to live healthy lives.  Their children are properly housed, clothed, fed and educated (round of applause please) and it would be remiss of me to even suggest that these men do not exist.  Nevertheless I continue to marvel at the numbers of deadbeat sperm donors and the negligent women who facilitate them by allowing them to impregnate them and leave (some even doing this to 2, 3, 4 or more women who are sometimes even aware of the man's track record).  Needless to say you do have a few deadbeats who are also married to the mother of their children, but that is for another discussion. 

My question here is why decide to just be a baby mother?  This is not to suggest that you go marry someone so you can have a baby, neither am I suggesting that you must marry someone because of a pregnancy (check out my book lulu.com).  Do the people who are not married to each other plan to have children in this, what I term, uncertain status of their relationship?  Forgive my ignorance but I'm genuinely curious, have we got to a state in our society where we are comfortable with dismissing some of the basic tenets that God has laid out with regard to the creation of families?

Gay Love

Is it just me or does it seem like a whole bunch of people are “coming out” as Diana Ross crooned back in the 80s?  This seeming emergence of gay pride is however nothing new; and if the people of Sodom and Gomorrah hadn’t been dead you probably could have asked them about it. 

What then should one’s approach be?  Granted the ease and rapidity with which information is spread via the media makes it seem that there are ridiculously climbing numbers of persons whose romantic  preferences seem limited to those of a similar sexual orientation.  It is impossible, it would appear, to watch television, read the paper or surf the net and not have that token homosexual man/ woman.  Debates are international as it relates to gay rights and privileges, and legislation is almost daily being created or reviewed to ensure that such persons are accommodated.

What I find most interesting is the response of many heterosexuals.  In both religious and non-religious circles I see four primary responses.  There are the fire and brimstone talkers, quick to highlight the fate of the Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah, latching on to only the homosexuality aspect of those cities' deprivation, failing it seems to note that the judgement came as a result of the grave sin that characterised their lifestyles (Genesis 18:20) and choosing instead to pronounce a similar fate on those who embrace this lifestyle. Then there are those who take the opposite extreme, are sympathetic and avoid any aversion to homosexuality.  Instead they embrace it as a pliable alternative, condemning those who take issue with it as bigots.  There are also those who embrace indifference, that is, they neither support nor oppose this lifestyle.  They couldn’t care less about an individual’s sexual choice since it has little, if anything, to do with the day to day interaction they must have with these persons.   Finally there is the group of those who are (what I term at least) conditionally tolerant, who take no issue with homosexuality as long as those of that persuasion are not members of their family or in their immediate circles. 

Interestingly as it becomes more mainstream, more persons are developing that attitude of indifference.  So what if he/she chooses to become intimately involved with someone of a similar sexual orientation?  Who determines what is wrong or right?  To even suggest that a Biblical attitude be adopted is tantamount to being old-fashioned.  Some have even gone on to religify homosexuality stating that it was God who made their sexual choices what they are. 

I make no apology for my stance on homosexuality.  I categorically believe it is wrong!  And I will sing that song until the cows come home!  Before I get too much applause from one set of extremists however, let me very quickly add that though I believe it to be wrong, I do not in any way support marginalisation, abuse, or any kind of maltreatment meted out to persons who accept this as their lifestyle.   

The God of Christianity speaks against sin.  Everywhere homosexuality is mentioned it is listed with a number of other actions that God deems sinful.  The Apostle Paul very pointedly highlighted, along with homosexuality, several groups of persons who will face the same judgement (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)  He goes on to highlight that at one time or another some of us had actually fit into one of the groups he names.  And yes, some forms of heterosexual relations fall into that category… gasp!

If you ask me, fire and brimstone responses sometimes help to further the cause of homosexuality, especially when it is the religious persons who take this stance.  How does one preach the love of God while simultaneously advocating the destruction of people who need God’s grace?  Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening (James 3:11)?

Spread some love, God's grace is for everyone.  He didn't ask us to love the actions just to love the people. 

Drivah! (Buju Banton voice)

For quite some time I've sought a public medium to air my grievances related to public transportation, or rather the attitudes of those who offer this disservice. 

If you’ve ever had to drive on Jamaican roads there is a plethora of complaints that you could easily make; from the poor signage in some places to the rough spots/pot holes/ craters that force drivers to make an obstacle course of some road ways.  By far however, my most testing reality is taxi drivers (well bus drivers too but since they are fewer in number they don’t manage to tick me off as much).  Maybe I should be grateful since much time is spent calling on the Lord when I have to negotiate their sudden stops to pick up/ let off passengers who encourage their indiscipline by requesting stops at some of the most inappropriate places. 

Some blame slavery; others blame politicians for the aggressive, hustla (hustler) mentality that seems to drive these drivers.  If you are approaching a bus stop and a taxi/ bus driver has stopped there, be mentally prepared for him to pull out in front of you, regardless of how close you already are to him.  If you have stopped at a red light and there is a filter lane at that junction, expect that he will come down in that filter lane and then try to bully you into allowing him to come over into your lane in front of you.

Things get more testy/dangerous if several of them are en route to a major bus stop.  Perhaps some have aspirations of competing in NASCAR for many have surely embraced the style of bobbing and weaving at high speeds through the gaps in the traffic – minus of course the protective gear and the crash quality of the vehicle, and with 5x (or more) the number of passengers. 

“The Word” penned a hilarious account of their experience on public transportation back in the 1980s (youtube/pon a mini bus).  Though there has been change in terms of the quality of some vehicles and the reality of alternatives, much of what those women talked about in their video is hardly different; the speed, the noise, the crowded conditions (of some routes during peak hours) has led me to further endorse the idea that the more things change, the more they remain the same.

I Hate Me!

youtube/India irie

 

 

 

To be obese or to be anorexic?

That is sooo NOT the question!

How about being healthy?

 

 

It’s crazy how I've grown to love the word 'balance', it just keeps popping up in everything; and it’s quite important in order to develop a healthy view of one’s self. Persons of both sexes and of all races and have had to face the music and come to terms with defining beauty.  As a black woman, I have had to deal with the fact that hair has always been a major measuring stick of beauty.  Along with hair however there have been many issues that persons have had to address with this whole concept of beauty.  Of a certainty many Jamaican males and females have an issue with skin complexion and countless researches and discussions have been carried out in a bid to make inroads into the phenomenon of the bleaching of one’s skin.  T.V has not made it easier on those who want to be skinnier (not for health reasons I might add) and ‘everyone’ is bombarded into believing that weight loss will solve their body issues.

 

 

I for one have had inordinate concerns with my body weight; and until recently I was forever trying to lose 30lbs.  Crash diets don’t work.  Starvation doesn’t work.  I haven’t tried diet pills or shakes so I can’t speak to their effectiveness, or lack thereof.  My new mantra however is Health First.  Don’t over eat, but don’t under eat either.  Watch your intake of salts, sugars and saturated fats.  Exercise, drink plenty water, eat more fruits and vegetables, see your doctor and SLEEP!

 

 

I know skinny girls who want to get skinnier still (some want to get fat); and fat girls (though I do think the politically correct expression these days is full figured or fluffy) who want to get skinny.  Those who are dark skinned are trying to get lighter and those who are light skinned sometimes think they are too pale.  Those who can afford it get breast and butt augmentations or reductions for that matter.  Some get face lifts or tummy tucks, liposuction or lip enhancements all with the hope of feeling better about themselves, or at the very least making themselves more 'photogenic', in the typical sense, certainly putting an interesting new spin on being fearfully and wonderfully made. 

 

 

 No number of surgeries will however satisfy that man or woman void of self worth.  Self love means appreciating who you are and making every effort to keep yourself healthy.  In the words of India, “… I am a soul that lives within.”

Sista Fashionista

A male friend recently commented that he thought so many Christian women are too often unattractively dressed.  His statement prompted me to consider where the line of balance ought to be drawn.  Is the appearance to be a big deal?  I don’t claim any fashionista status, and though one of my favorite TV programmes is What Not to Wear (WNTW) on TLC, I conclude that based on 1 Timothy 2:9 biblegateway.com, as women, our primary focus ought to be our inner beauty.  Nevertheless, the average woman is first seen before she is able to dazzle those around her with brilliance, good heart and positive thoughts.  This means that B-A-L-A-N-C-E is ¡muy importante!  To emphasize one over the other is to invite trouble.  Sure you can come as you are but who said you were to stay that way?  One valuable lesson I’ve learnt from WNTW is the need to get a few quality pieces (preferably those you can mix and make several outfits) rather than have a large number of inappropriate attire. These do not need to be expensive pieces either, generic clothes are as popular as generic meds – some of them are just as well made too so really there’s no excuse. 

I often use the story of an incident that occurred when I was a teen to both advise others and keep myself in check.  It was a Sunday morning and I was running late for church.  My dad started the car and threatened to leave so that I would have to walk to church (our church was a 15 minute, uphill, walk away).  To avoid having to endure such a sweaty undertaking, I rushed out of the house.

Body Lotion – check
Comb – check 
Make up – check
Purse – check
I would finish dressing in the church bathroom. 

20 minutes later as I was getting ready to enter the sanctuary I looked around, "where had I put my Bible?" …OOPS!

What’s my point here?  You’re going to have to ensure that your heart is right with God, that your attitude reflects that commitment and that those around you can testify to your genuine love for God and following Him.   But would it hurt if you didn’t look like you just rolled off the couch or your blind great-aunt dressed you?  Do something with your hair! Wear clothes that fit!  When Naomi told Ruth to go present herself to Boaz she told her to fix herself up, she couldn’t wear the clothes she’d been picking wheat in all day biblegateway.com.  Boaz knew Ruth was a nice gal, he’d already been wowed by her selfless actions; but there’s something about a well put together woman that just makes what she’s saying all the more interesting and convincing.

Then of course there’s the flip side, the white-washed sepulchre types who completely ignore the spiritual part of who they claim to be while they doll the outside.  They either look like the women who have no allegiance to Jesus Christ or they spend all their attention and money trying to be beautiful or sexy biblegateway.com.

Today’s word – BALANCE!

Welome

"Everybody has a blog so why bother create one?" That's the question I posed to myself when the blogging idea first popped into my head. But then isn't it the same reason we read one newspaper over another, choose a particular flavor of ice-cream or pick one brand of anything over another? Sure each writer, owner, maker, etc will want to make you believe theirs is better (and in truth sometimes that is really the case) but until you've sampled it you can't really know for sure, so here's my sample among the myriad of blogs floating around in cyberspace.

 My Christian faith will feature primarily in what I write and the way I view issues that I write about, and I look forward to sharing my observations, growth and experiences.  Of course other topical issues will also be discussed.  There's so much to talk, write, read about and you'd be surprised about quirks that you thought were uniquely you until you meet fifteen other people who do/ think the same. I'm looking forward to this blogospheric journey with my readers and long to hear your comments as well.

 People often say this generation/ era (since some of the people who are said to do these things are sometimes in their 30s and beyond) doesn't like to read but I beg to differ. Maybe we do like to rush from one activity to the next, but every once in a while there appears that article that just grips your attention; and until someone shouts "FIRE!" you're not moving and you're reading every word.

WELCOME TO RANDOM THOTZ!

Faith

There's no doubt that Abraham is firmly rooted in the annals of history as one of the greatest examples of faith in action.  But more importantly, I think he must've been an excellent model because his approach certainly rubbed off on his servant Eliezer.  Get a load of the Eliezer's prayer biblegateway.com.  Talk about specific!  What makes it even more amazing is the fact that even before he was done with this very specific request, there came Rebekah.

My biggest thought though is 'does God still do this kinda stuff?'  Does he meet desires as pointedly as he did back then?  I'm longing to hear you weigh in because I think He does.  I hear the snickers of the skeptics but I am nevertheless convinced (through personal experiences and those related by others) that there are no coincidences in the life of the believer in Jesus Christ.  God allows stuff to happen based on His purpose and our faith.  It simply means that when we lack faith in His purpose we miss out on what we could have achieved in our personal and spiritual lives. 

This brings me to another element - What exactly is God's purpose in our circumstances?  Clearly, few of us will see any divine good in bad circumstances but I would dare to argue that there are.  I'm sure that many people will have stories of their 'good' prayers that did not receive the desired answer.  I still struggle with having to step back and let God complete His purpose in my life, not my will... right?  I can pray for an X5, not because I need a car but because I want to floss.  If I don't get it does that mean that God doesn't move as specifically as He did back then?  I think not.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with owning an X5 or any other top of the line vehicle for that matter, but isn't it interesting that most of us hardly include the whole "God's purpose" angle in these aspects of our lives?  God isn't against having nice things, some of the godliest people who walk(ed) this Earth are/were among the wealthiest, but c'mon if the ruler of the universe opted to be born in a stable and raised by tradespeople obviously God's more interested in having His purposes completed. biblegateway.com

Before you go rubbing the "prayer genie" check your motives!