Stating the Obvious? 003 #lifeNuggets #winningNlosing

003: Not winning does not make you a loser.

And I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.

Now before you go 'well, ahm, technically...' 

Here's the thing.

This generation often gets some flack for issuing participation trophies, and as far as most people over 40 (I've been guilty) are concerned, it turns the recipients into whimps who are too entitled because they've been rewarded for less than stellar efforts. 

But as I've reflected on what it takes to put oneself out there in the first place, I've become more receptive to the idea that willingness to try warrants merit too. Not necessarily in a tangible way of course, but in an overhaul of how we view ourselves and those around us.

I sometimes think of the numerous men and women who, for instance, train to do the 100m race at the Olympics. By the time the finals are held only eight men/women remain standing, then 9.58 - 12 or so seconds later, it's over and only three people (men/women) will have been considered the winners. I've noted however that when complete results sheets are posted, there are sometimes persons who didn't make the podium but have run national records or personal/season bests. We wouldn't classify those people as losers would we? 

It's the same principle I'm suggesting we apply to every aspect of our lives.

When I was 21 I placed second in a competition. 

It wasn't the first time I'd not got the best prize and over the ensuing years many more 'not the best' results have been mine; but I can't recall being as devastated by any other thing and for a long time I'd felt like the biggest loser - closest to the top prize but not being able to grasp it LOL. 

But that loss has served a very useful purpose over the years because everything about that experience helped make me a better person. I later realised it was my attitude and not my placement that made me the biggest loser.

Here's what I think the worthwhile lessons are:

Never think too much of yourself #AndThisIsBiblical 

This is not to be confused with not having confidence mind you. 

Should you be self assured by your ability to do what you've set out to do? Heck yeah! Should you disregard the worth of the others going after the same thing? No, no, no! #InMyDawnPennVoice 

There is perhaps, in my mind at least, a thin line between confidence and self importance. One focuses on the self and the assuredness that you can do what you've set out to do. The other focuses on what you believe the other person's inadequacies are, without the accompanying respect for the strengths they also possess.

Confidence👍    Pompousness👎

I'd been sure I would have won that competition and all the prepatory things we did leading up to the final were just formalities. I'm embarrassed to admit I was so confident because I'd thought myself better than all of them. I was "more educated, well spoken and exposed". Not being crowned the winner was a harsh lesson in humility that I've reflected on to this day. 

Regroup and try again

It isn't not winning that can make you a loser, it's quitting. 

This of course is relative to individual situations. If you realise that something's not improving your life, then the mature thing is to walk away from it. However if you're quitting because you're mad at the results you've had so far (without your giving the required effort) - that's what I'm talking about.

The year following my no win performance, I was eligible to re-enter and many around tried to encourage me to do so. I however was angry with the previous year's result. I'd felt cheated and believed the organisation did not deserve my presence #iKnowiKnow🙈

I've often regretted my obstinance, but was fortunate enough to later work with the same organisation for a few years and learn some of the lessons (I'd been too full of myself to realise) I needed. 

Bitterness is uhhhgly!

Being disappointed by your loss and celebrating another's success are not mutually exclusive. .

I remember feeling satisfied (vindicated even) when the person who'd won went on to the national competition and performed poorly. It was then that (I now believe) I truly embodied a loser. While it can be difficult to be happy about someone else getting something you wanted yourself (especially if there's a single one to be had), it is still possible to do so if you remove the focus from yourself for a moment and take the time to appreciate the results of another individual's efforts.

Counter Culture

While it is a logical response for society to celebrate winners, in failing to acknowledge the efforts of those who didn't earn 1st place we sometimes inadvertently discourage the win that comes from one's best efforts.

I hope more people will realise that even when we don't receive the top prize, every time we challenge ourselves anew, we come away with something we never had before and that shouldn't be discredited.

More experience = a win

More people in your network = a win

More confidence = a win

More respect for the abilities of others = a win

The only losers are the ones who think there is only one prize to be had.

#GladiLearnedMyLesson