Stating the Obvious? 005 #LifeNuggets #outsideTheBox

005: Don't get boxed in

I went to high school during a time (clearly reminiscent of the dark ages) when the generally accepted beliefs were that academic pursuit in the natural sciences was the gold standard.  If you went on to be a medical doctor of some kind, then you'd have achieved the pinnacle of success. 

If you didn't quite make the cut and 'ended up' becoming a science teacher (because of course no one really starts out wanting to be a teacher right?) then at the very least, you'd hold a 'pinnacle spot' in the respectable subject hierarchy at whatever school you found yourself. If you 'had to become' another type of medical professional such as a nurse or technician, you didn't gain anything close to the r-e-s-p-e-c-t #inMyArethaVoice of that given to doctors and frankly your medical expertise would be consistently questioned and doubted.

Still admired but undoubtedly a few notches below, were those interested in the arts (excluding actual artists #goFigure). These were generally the English and History majors, destined to become the jurists of tomorrow. Or, if they similarly couldn't hack it, hold the number two spot in the respectable subjects list when they taught somewhere or pursued writing careers.

Floating around in 3rd place, but distantly so, were the social scientists - only back then we called them business students - future secretaries (I know we were quite limited in our thinking - flat earthers if you will) or the ones who would become bankers. Either way, they all would be working to manage the 'millions' that the doctors and lawyers would earn or to organise their ever booked out calendars.

At the very bottom of this ludicrous caste, you'd find those who did the 'technical' subjects. They learned to build things, sew things, cook things; and in the 'lesser schools' (i.e. non-traditional ones) they additionally styled hair and nails. Invariably, the bulk of the football, netball and track athletes would be found among these groups of students because naturally, serious students didn't have time to pursue sports. #goodGrief #facepalm

Even as I type this I'm wavering between utter disbelief and amusement at the foolish audacity of our thinking... but then 30 years was a long time ago. 

I even remember my parents telling me I couldn't take art because it wouldn't be 'useful'. 

While I took the subject they wanted me to take, Spanish, in protest I deliberately did nothing besides go to class and take naps for two years - very foolish I realise when I reflect on it since the only person I ended up spiting was myself😆. #follyOfYouth

But I digress.

The real deal

The best education of course combines as many areas as possible.  When I was in high school it was 'impossible' to study, for example, history and physics - the schools just weren't set up to accommodate it. Years later however when I became a teacher at my alma mater, I realised that the programmes were structured to support combinations; and it's fantastic how far we've come! Few 13 and 14 year olds know what they want to do. Besides, what is learnt in high school barely scratches the surface of all there is to learn so there's really no need to limit the exposure is there?

Heck, I'm in my forties and I'd been lying if I said I was cemented in my thinking that I am where I want to be.

Never stop learning

Fortunately, I've not regretted the path my academic life has taken since it has opened numerous doors for fantastic experiences. But I've certainly embraced and pursued other interests and encourage everyone to do the same. Naturally, financial and personal demands will influence the degree to which this can be done; but finding a way to do it is worth consideration. Whether out of a need for a secondary income source or for personal enjoyment/fulfilment, or whether it's for a combination of these; just don't allow yourself to get parceled into a singular thing, even if you don't yet know how to do anything else.

Continuous learning should be our goal. Who says we have to do only one thing for however long we get to be here? Furthermore, In a world where information is at our fingertips, there's arguably no justification for getting bored and stuck. 

Check out my 'ad hoc' resume

Sewing

I bought a dress online. I loved the print and the basic style but when it came, I looked, to use my sister's description, matronly. Nothing wrong with that of course if it's the look you're going for, but for me it certainly was not. My dad is a trained tailor, my mom sews as a hobby (if memory serves me right she took courses some place) and one of my aunts is a designer and seamstress. So when I got out my sewing kit I figured I'd channel my inner them haha under the guidance of YouTube Sensei too of course 😉 I was satisfied with the results and haven't closed the door to the possibility of doing it more frequently.

Nails

I wanted to get my nails done but the cost of a single salon visit was more than the cost of all the tools I'd need to get if I did  them myself. What's the worst that could happen right? Several YouTube videos later I practised on my left hand. Let me just say that I have renewed respect for the job that nail technicians do. I am getting better but the quality is only good enough to satisfy myself 😊 but with more practise I believe I can get better...

Hair

Over the years I'm sure I've by now saved myself thousands of dollars because I can do my hair myself.  That is one thing I've done reasonably well enough to also turn into a side hustle. Two years ago (via YouTube and Instagram) I learned another dreadlocking technique. I use it only on myself right now but as I get better and more confident I'll probably get a chance to try it on other people if they're brave enough to let me.

The point

This is of course more than a chest thumping piece LOLOL. I'm hopefully getting to the point right about now.

There was a time when I thought trying many different things meant you were flippant or fickle, but now I know better. Because of fear, some of us continue with the same thing in the same way even if we derive little or no pleasure from it, or even if we've plateaued and there's nothing more to gain from it. We continue because it's safe, because we fear trying and failing, or fear what other people might think/say about us when we should be saying "who gives a rodent's glutes?!" 

If it's legal, if it brings or has the potential to bring me joy, if it's within my reach, even if I have to stretch a little more than usual, I think it's worth trying.

Who says we have to stick to just one thing?

DON'T GET BOXED IN!

Stating the Obvious? 004 #LifeNuggets #popping

 

004: Some kernels just aren't gonna pop.

I love popcorn. It's my second favourite snack. It's 1. potato chips 2. popcorn 3. gummy candy (specifically sour patch kids) 4. liquorice and 5. cheese crackers. Sixth through tenth place is basically up for grabs so if you have recommendations I'm all ears, but I digress. 

The point I'm getting at is I've made a lot of popcorn to the point that I literally consider myself a popping expert 😏 

#someTimesiRollMyEyesAtMyselfToo #FeelFree2DoTheSame

What I've come to learn through my popcorn popping experiences however is that no matter what (be it microwave or stovetop) there are, more often than not, kernels that just don't pop. 

You may (or may not) have seen an inspirational quote that reminds us not to compare ourselves to others by using a popcorn analogy. It basically says that all the kernels are in the same situation but don't all pop the same time so be patient because your time will come. But what if your time never comes? It has nothing to do with the oil or the heat or the pot. It just is what it is. 

Now before you call me a killjoy, I do have a point #pinkySwear.

Comedian Tom Segura said something in one of his specials that really stuck with me. He was talking about dreams and the fact that he encourages everyone to go after theirs no matter how impossible they may seem. The actual key is in the management of the expectations. In doing so you realise that it may or may not happen but you allow yourself the pleasure/satisfaction of the pursuit. 

I love that! Heck that's some Biblical wisdom for ya though (based on the way he talks) Tom doesn't strike me too much as a religious man; but that's of course irrelevant right now. The point is, the hope that it can happen is (ought to be) a rewarding experience so much so that even if it doesn't, you won't have felt the loss.

This is perhaps a segue from #LifeNuggets003. Conventional wisdom suggests that if you don't get the prize, in this instance 'pop', there is a question mark hanging over your head, was there a point in doing the activity in the first place? It's been a difficult lesson for me to learn too because I've always been a destination rather than a journey kind of girl. I rarely stop to smell the roses or take in the scenery around. I want the quickest/shortest possible route because I just want to get to where needs getting to. That kind of thinking though can be counter productive because sometimes the journey itself can offer pleasures if we take the time to appreciate it (getting older sure teaches you stuff). 

While the 'your time will come' idea is a good one to help us avoid becoming discouraged, I think it could make use of the fact that when the microwave beeps or you turn off the fire a bunch of lttle guys are in there that aren't soft and fluffy. If you are that kernel that doesn't pop, then you'd have endured that long journey without having given yourself the benefit of actually enjoying the ride.   

#SoWhatifYouDidntPop #MakeSureYouEnjoyTheRide

 

Stating the Obvious? 003 #lifeNuggets #winningNlosing

003: Not winning does not make you a loser.

And I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.

Now before you go 'well, ahm, technically...' 

Here's the thing.

This generation often gets some flack for issuing participation trophies, and as far as most people over 40 (I've been guilty) are concerned, it turns the recipients into whimps who are too entitled because they've been rewarded for less than stellar efforts. 

But as I've reflected on what it takes to put oneself out there in the first place, I've become more receptive to the idea that willingness to try warrants merit too. Not necessarily in a tangible way of course, but in an overhaul of how we view ourselves and those around us.

I sometimes think of the numerous men and women who, for instance, train to do the 100m race at the Olympics. By the time the finals are held only eight men/women remain standing, then 9.58 - 12 or so seconds later, it's over and only three people (men/women) will have been considered the winners. I've noted however that when complete results sheets are posted, there are sometimes persons who didn't make the podium but have run national records or personal/season bests. We wouldn't classify those people as losers would we? 

It's the same principle I'm suggesting we apply to every aspect of our lives.

When I was 21 I placed second in a competition. 

It wasn't the first time I'd not got the best prize and over the ensuing years many more 'not the best' results have been mine; but I can't recall being as devastated by any other thing and for a long time I'd felt like the biggest loser - closest to the top prize but not being able to grasp it LOL. 

But that loss has served a very useful purpose over the years because everything about that experience helped make me a better person. I later realised it was my attitude and not my placement that made me the biggest loser.

Here's what I think the worthwhile lessons are:

Never think too much of yourself #AndThisIsBiblical 

This is not to be confused with not having confidence mind you. 

Should you be self assured by your ability to do what you've set out to do? Heck yeah! Should you disregard the worth of the others going after the same thing? No, no, no! #InMyDawnPennVoice 

There is perhaps, in my mind at least, a thin line between confidence and self importance. One focuses on the self and the assuredness that you can do what you've set out to do. The other focuses on what you believe the other person's inadequacies are, without the accompanying respect for the strengths they also possess.

Confidence👍    Pompousness👎

I'd been sure I would have won that competition and all the prepatory things we did leading up to the final were just formalities. I'm embarrassed to admit I was so confident because I'd thought myself better than all of them. I was "more educated, well spoken and exposed". Not being crowned the winner was a harsh lesson in humility that I've reflected on to this day. 

Regroup and try again

It isn't not winning that can make you a loser, it's quitting. 

This of course is relative to individual situations. If you realise that something's not improving your life, then the mature thing is to walk away from it. However if you're quitting because you're mad at the results you've had so far (without your giving the required effort) - that's what I'm talking about.

The year following my no win performance, I was eligible to re-enter and many around tried to encourage me to do so. I however was angry with the previous year's result. I'd felt cheated and believed the organisation did not deserve my presence #iKnowiKnow🙈

I've often regretted my obstinance, but was fortunate enough to later work with the same organisation for a few years and learn some of the lessons (I'd been too full of myself to realise) I needed. 

Bitterness is uhhhgly!

Being disappointed by your loss and celebrating another's success are not mutually exclusive. .

I remember feeling satisfied (vindicated even) when the person who'd won went on to the national competition and performed poorly. It was then that (I now believe) I truly embodied a loser. While it can be difficult to be happy about someone else getting something you wanted yourself (especially if there's a single one to be had), it is still possible to do so if you remove the focus from yourself for a moment and take the time to appreciate the results of another individual's efforts.

Counter Culture

While it is a logical response for society to celebrate winners, in failing to acknowledge the efforts of those who didn't earn 1st place we sometimes inadvertently discourage the win that comes from one's best efforts.

I hope more people will realise that even when we don't receive the top prize, every time we challenge ourselves anew, we come away with something we never had before and that shouldn't be discredited.

More experience = a win

More people in your network = a win

More confidence = a win

More respect for the abilities of others = a win

The only losers are the ones who think there is only one prize to be had.

#GladiLearnedMyLesson

Stating the Obvious? 002 #lifeNuggets #relationships

002 : Knowing the class of a relationship is crucial to your well-being.

 Technically all relationships are transactional to some degree right? You give something and get something. 

The key question is: Are you satisfied with what you're getting?

I used to be bummed out when some people in my life would reach out to me only for certain favours. If my phone went off and I saw their names, I almost never needed to open the message to know what their text was all about. They weren't just saying 'hi'. I'm sometimes slow so it did kinda take me a beat to realise this. In one particular situation I remember feeling pretty hurt devastated for an extended period because I guess I'd thought a particular relationship was more than that one thing. We got along swimmingly at social gatherings; or I'd sometimes check up on them by phone and, while our conversations were always great (in my mind at least), I'd never hear from them again until my next check in or they needed that favour. In fact, on two separate occasions I was even introduced to someone else as "the (task I was doing)"  - not as their friend. 😱 #mer

Perhaps what made me feel even more slighted was the fact that sometimes I would have to rearrange my schedule to accommodate this request and it wasn't like I was being paid for a job. In all fairness, there's no way they could have known of my inconviences; but in similar fairness to myself, why would someone be granting you free favours if they weren't your 'friend'? It got to the place where I found myself becoming resentful. Agreeing to help out but doing so with much bitterness. Then one day, (or maybe it was over a period of time) I came to terms with the nature of our relationship and it was like a switch flipped. Gone was my eager beaver assistance and it also took with it the resentment. 

People want different things in life and that's totally ok. What's not ok is hitching, or trying to hitch, your proverbial wagon to someone who doesn't want the same as you. Before you say 'well duh', the thing is we don't always recognise this right away and having this knowledge will make the difference between your feeling satisfied or shortchanged. 

Here are a couple of ideas:

If you find yourself always or most often doing the 'giving' and it's a problem then you've got to pull the plug

I'm not suggesting you necessarily keep a tally of all you do for people - that's probably unhealthy LOL but if yuh find seh yuh start feel a way  (Jamaican expression for becoming burdened, uncomfortable, disappointed or whatever the negative feeling is) because of what you think you're getting out of a relationship, it might make sense to ask yourself the hard questions and find out why you may be feeling this way. Depending on the other people involved, varying responses will be warranted. For instance, if the person is a spouse or other family member, it's definitely better to talk it through. Someone from work or some other social circle however might not need heavy duty intervention and sometimes just stepping back from ones zealous giving will help them realise they need to do more, or the relationship itself will fizzle (instead of you fizzling from carrying around the frustration).

Have 'reasonable' expectations

This is a subjective term but consider this, most adults have jobs and families and many things upon which to place their priorities. I'm clearly (at least I hope I'm being clear) not speaking to obsessive 'psycho' behaviour or the childish teenaged practices of being with your friends all day then spending hours on the phone when you go to your individual homes later. Be sure that what you desire of their time/actions makes sense. It doesn't need to be 50/50 (as in even) because some people will always have more to give than others, but gosh darn it has to reflect some kind of effort, right? And if they don't make the effort then they probably don't deserve yours.

Sidebar:

If you realise that you are the taker then decide to do better 

Start trying to contribute more to the relationship or, if you're not interested in doing that, don't be so eager to take. 

#onlyifYouCareAboutOtherPplOfCourse

I get it. Some people are intense. As a loner (that's how I classify myself because while I'm very sociable when necessary, I'm completely at peace with and enjoy my own company) it's often tough to try to match the chatty energies of others I've met. But because I want to make sure they understand that I value our connection (if indeed I do) I make an effort to say hi, or check up on them from time to time. I try not to let them feel they must always initiate connections. Nobody is "always busy", or rather our schedules are usually busy with the things we find important.

Final thought

At the end of the day there will always be people who don't really care about you beyond how they can benefit from what you have to offer #factOfLife. 

Just be sure you know, and are willing to accept what you're getting in return. The moment you find yourself becoming distressed by your remuneration, it's time to talk or step back. Stop rundung people (Jamaican for don't desire friendships from people who don't demonstrate that they value you).

#atLeastThatsMy2cents

Stating the Obvious? 001 #lifeNuggets #dreams

001: It's never too late to work on the realisation of a dream.

(Unless you thought the dream was some variety of professional sports but you're 42, aren't remotely good at said sport and right now your doctor thinks you need to kick 10kg... 
Anything else though, totally doable)

An important 1st step is to decipher your dream separate from a fantasy - not the same - look it up.

Also crucial is the 2nd step where you ensure that action is annexed to said dream. If you don't, what you'll have on your hands instead is a fantasy. #AskMeAboutMyProVolleyballCareer

Rounding out the must have trifecta I believe, is a 3rd step, passion - something to drive that action in the face of all odds. Of course passion looks different for everyone. For some it's money, for others it's their circumstances, still others are driven by something they can't quite name , they just know it's fuelling them to 'want to do this!'

Because most people's lives almost never go according to plan, you may be at the stage of your life where you thought you'd have done it by now.

Maybe you are a late bloomer and that dream only recently came about. 

Either way, you're feeling a tad overwhelmed by the fact that finding your birth year on those internet spin dial thingys is beginning to take far longer than before.

Pro Tip: Don't Panic

Instead, let that be the umph you need to add to your passion. Reasses. Identify the steps between where you are and where your dream is and, if necessary, get a coach/ expert/ another set of eyes to help you identify and chart the renewed plan. If you think you are too old to get advice then that (not the deferred dream) is actually your problème numéro un.

A cursory internet search will reveal tons of famous people who achieved their desired success after they'd passed the typical 'prime'. I'm willing to bet that tons more nondescript (at least by popularity standards) have repeatedly done the same.

#NeverGiveUp