Baby Fever

OMG not this again!

Perhaps one of the most recurring rebuffs that some childless women (doubt this is politically correct) have to make is in response to "but don't you want a mini you?"

I can't recall (at least in recent years - i.e since I got out of my teens) looking at a kid and thinking "oooh I want one of those."   Before you gasp that I'm a monster and demonize me, let me quickly say I love children (albeit other people's children) but I love being around them, playing with them or watching them play.  I'm even willing to try to help change them or calm them when they're fussy.  I'll gladly supervise playdates and babysit too.  But I can't think of another thing more satisfying than the reality of going to my childfree apartment.

When I see/think of children, especially when they are very small, I'm aghast that people would abuse or neglect them.  My heart weeps at such cases.  But does that translate into wanting one?

I've been told that my view comes from a place of selfishness and maybe those people are correct.  I am absolutely certain that I don't want to spend nights trying to get someone to stop crying and go to sleep.  I know I don't want to have to get up every three hours at night to give anyone food - having to get up to pee is frustrating enough and believe me, I've been tempted to just don adult pampers and deal with that mess in the morning.

"You'll change your mind" 
I've been often told, and maybe I will.  After all there was a time in my life when I had an aversion to the colour pink, and a time when I disapproved of interracial unions.  So who knows?  Maybe my 45 year old self will decide it wants to have a baby and thanks to medical advancement such a thing is not entirely risky.

"You'll never know real love until you love your child"
You perhaps will not know real worry until then too.  Worry that he/she might get hurt, might get drawn into bad company, might fail at school, career, life.  In fact you'll never know many things in life and although it's not always true, you can't miss something that you never had...can you?

I don't know what's worse: the "Happy future Mother's Day" greetings from people who know you have no children or the 'understanding' nod and smile they give you when you try to convince them you are totally ok with the fact you have no children.  I used to be annoyed, now I just smile and accept the gesture as well meaning. People usually respond to other people based on where they are in their own lives and many believe that having a child is the ultimate definition of womanhood. There is therefore often genuine sympathy for the woman who has not "achieved" this, especially if the woman is in the latter stages of the customary child bearing years.  It's dumb but they mean well so I forgive them and move on.

Then of course there are always the religious 'pundits' who pontificate that by not desiring children you have committed some kind of a sin since God commanded man to be fruitful and multiply (never mind all that bit about replenishing the earth after the flood).  At those times I retract my claws, take a deep breath, find my inside voice and calmly remind them that Jesus said "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and Love your neighbour as yourself " were the commandments on which all others lay... and none of the others mentioned child bearing.  So unless someone was able to show me "Thou shalt not refuse to have a child," then that person needed to shut up and walk away.

Wouldn't it be truly ironic if in 9 months or 9 years someone reads this back to me at my baby shower?  Now that would be embarrassing.