Does it really matter?

No, this is not a grammarly type entry. 

Although I'll just interject that if nothing else, social media has pointed out that grammar stuff you could OF (this is deliberate) thought was common knowledge, really isn't. Interestingly though, my nerves are no longer grated by these inscribed atrocities...I guess that goes to show that if you're exposed to sin long enough it's only a matter of time before you are no longer repulsed by it....

Besides you should see some of the transgressions of which I've been guilty.

But as always, I digress.

This entry is actually aimed at attempting to pinpoint what exactly is meant when one is being empathetic.  
But isn't that the same as being sympathetic? 
No it's not.
What's the difference? 
Who cares?

In all honesty, I'm not truly a pedant, so the actual semantics are not of grave concern to me.  Nevertheless, I will point out that back in school I did learn that though both 'sympathy' and 'empathy' deal with expressing concern and compassion for another's misfortune, the latter was derived from a more knowledgeable place of having experienced a similar situation and thus making that person able to, in a sense, walk in the shoes of the one currently grieving.  'Sympathy' on the other hand, though also heartfelt, was not as intense.  So  though one could sympathise with a sick dog that has had to have its tail removed, one could not (for obvious reasons) empathise.

Naturally I turned to my reliable source of information, Siri, to help me elucidate more accurately.  The meanings, I discovered via dictionary.com, are a little broader than I remembered learning.  So perhaps like many other things the meanings have evolved (or I was just wrong).  To empathise does not necessarily require one to have gone through a similar situation.  Empathy can occur as long as one is able to be so deeply compassionate that one can even imagine himself in the person's shoes... so then my earlier dog illustration...

At some point in our lives we must have met (or eventually will meet) 'that' person who, after we'd told about the boatload of work we had to complete, immediately followed up with an outline of the equal or greater amount of work they had to complete.  Or that time when your #insertRelevantBodyPart hurt and the person with whom you were sharing this concern had their own story of an aching ______.

Is that empathy?

Maybe I'm actually the one who's being needy and fussy and hypersensitive; but I can't begin to explain the number of times I've felt dismissed when I've shared a difficult situation and another in the company merely pipes their personal distress. 

Is the goal to 'out pain' me? or is the goal to say 'I overcame and so can you?'
There's some food for thought. 

We naturally can't assess another's motive without psychic capabilities, but we sure can assess our own.

I'll never forget an experience I had (almost 10 years ago) when I was undergoing a particularly difficult situation and someone I deemed a friend asked  'How are you?'  I remember beginning to share my situation and watching that person's eyes dart around the area before responding 'Good, Good' and darting off to greet another person.  (I accept full blame as we were at the end of a function and so I should not have been as expectant)   I am aware that "How are you?" Is really a part of social greeting and in most instances one is not expected to respond truthfully (or respond at all).  But that knowledge didn't change the hurt I felt. 

Maybe I ought to be more mindful that when I share a difficult situation, others in the company are not necessarily interested in that situation and so their reason for sharing a similar experience has nothing to do with empathy. And where is it written anyway that because someone had a similar experience it means they'll feel sorry for you when you have the same?

#realityCheck
#quitWhining