So I met a guy...

...Is how you must never begin any sentence when talking to your friend if you are 38 going 39 and never been married.

The reason?

Your friends have all these hopes and wishes regarding relationships for you (especially if they’ve already taken the plunge, and regardless of whether they are still going by “Mrs Whatever”. You may not immediately realise the severe disappointment that ensues when you subsequently relay statements void of romance, but rather some mundane account of your being assisted to complete a task.

Now... if this were a Tyler Perry flick!

#insertOpeningMusic

We know that despite being ignorant of each other’s native tongue, wedding bells would be on the horizon of this “land of the rising sun”.  Nihongo (the Japanese word for that language) would magically begin to make sense; and you'd both skip the cultural and religious hurdles like a well tossed stone on a placid lake.  Like many Japanese natives, he would have studied Eigo (the Japanese word for English) all the way to high school; but he'd never seen the need to master it... until now.

Cue the music while you'd both be seen demonstratively helping each other get the pronunciations and nuances of each language just right, encouraging each other when frustrations set in and force you to toss the text (or electronic device) being employed for study, and celebrating when you seemingly demolish the previously insurmountable language barrier.  The music would fade, he'd casually, unintentionally say something to you in English, and you'd respond in Japanese,  also unintentionally.
Surprised and excited by this, you'd both be convinced you can toll the bell.

You gotta forgive me, 'Tis the Season' and I've been binge watching Netflix Christmas movies.

Of course no self respecting Hallmarky film would be complete without 'the break up' and the scalding verbalisation that this was a bad idea to begin with (in each native language of course and though neither of you understand what the other has said the messages are clear - it's over!).  That part would usually result from something a friend, family member or random passerby said or did to highlight the futility of the arrangement and fuel the doubt you were feeling from the outset.

Since the current story is set in Asia (where Xenophobia is reportedly rife - albeit I am yet to be knowingly on the receiving end of this) the spat would be spurred by someone on his end.  After this, consumed by heartbreak, you would naturally feel compelled to return home.  Some time later (time would be fluid - but it couldn't be too long or the chance exists that you'd forget the bit of Japanese you'd learnt), you 'd be at the food court at Sovereign Centre in Kingston one afternoon.  You'd see the 'Little Tokyo' restaurant and get really sad.  You'd buy some noodles there and brood as you eat, perhaps recollecting a time you'd shared a meal in some quaint restaurant near Mt. Fuji.

For some magical reason, you'd feel inclined to turn and pan the food court and you'd freeze (chop sticks poised mid-air, face awash with surprise but heart fluttering with unspeakable joy because he would be standing on the other side of the quad, close to the bookstore side.  Your sister would be in the background, a kind of blur but visible enough so it's clear it's her (after all that's how he'd have been able to find you).  You would rise slowly, laying your chopsticks on the table, your eyes never once leaving each other and telling a thousand tales of how you've felt because of the (still fluid) period of separation.

BUT this is real life; so your explanation to your friend only includes how this fellow, who was quite easy on the eyes, ended up helping you while you were quite confused at the city office.  And all he actually did was direct you to English speaking staff so you could fill out some forms, then went about his business.  If she'd calmly allowed you to finish your statement she'd have heard you say:

'So I met a guy today who was wearing a Usain Bolt T-Shirt.'

In fact, the only reason that he ended up speaking to and later helping you was, on seeing his shirt you flashed your 'I'm Jamaican card' and so a conversation ensued... You understood some bits...

YOU: Oh Bolto! t-shirt wa ga suki desu! Jamaica gin (Oh Bolt!  I like your T-shirt.  I'm Jamaican)
HIM:  Honto ni! (Really!) [very excited face]
YOU: Hai! So desu! (Yes. That's right)
HIM:  Subarashi! (Wonderful!) [other stuff you have no clue about]
YOU: Gomen na sai.  Nihongo no Wakarimasen.  Eigo onegaishimasu (I'm sorry.  I don't understand Japanese.  English please)
HIM: Sumimasen.  Eigo ni hanashimasen. (Excuse me - though also used for apologies. I don't speak English
[notices the form in your hand] Chotto matte (please wait) [runs off and shortly returns with a woman who speaks a few words of English]
YOU: Arigatou gozaimasu (thank you) [flurry of bows]
HIM: Doumo (You're welcome). [more bows]