I, uhm... Do?

I've always wanted to be married, it just hasn't happened yet.

Well, in all honesty (since someone has been spiking my coffee with truth serum lately) I know I've always wanted a wedding - you know: the dress, the photos, professionally done makeup, the ring, being the centre of attention.  The marriage part I'm not as sure about because every single time I've envisioned myself as Mrs Last name that will move me up the alphabet, it's primarily been just that day.  On the few occasions my thoughts have gone beyond that, one of us always has a job that keeps us away from home days at a time, or our schedules are so demanding that we are always longing to see each other more.

Then my friend sends me a link.

#MaybImMoreNormalThanIthink

Living Separate Lives

Usually anything the Hollywood types endorse, I take with several grains of salt - they are definitely not my role models.  But I believe sometimes it's possible to gain sense from nonsense so I'm often slow to dismiss stuff without giving some thought - even a little.

The link from my friend, a marketwatch.com article, presents a rather thought-provoking spin on the concept of a matrimonial home where the couple chooses to live separately from their spouse... and no one's mad at anyone.  In fact, the article implies that living separately reduces the likelihood of that happening.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder nuh suh? 

The article cites psychotherapist and "Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today" author, Tina B. Tessina, who seems to believe that couples who opt for this sort of arrangement are those who like living alone, but still want companionship and the financial benefits of marriage'.  Some couples admitted that while they were initially forced into this kind of setup because of work demands, it's not a temporary thing and it's now something they love and believe has helped their union since 'time together is more special... things feel new and exciting when [they] get to see each other,'  varying the time living apart/together from months at a time to specific days per week.  Congrats to them on being able to afford two mortgages though. #richPplSomething

More interesting is the fact that the article also cited  data from the US Census Bureau as recording an estimated four million married couples living apart (but that data also includes those incarcerated or living in nursing institutions so a nuh nuff nuff people have habit fi live different yaad from dem smaddy).

One of my biggest aversions to marriage has been because of the doubt that I'd be able to function with someone else in my space on a permanent basis (ask the people I've lived with how much time I spent in my room versus the communal areas lol) ... Maybe is a good thing den seh di marriage chapter a mi life nuh write yet don't?

Leave and Cleave

Naturally, my first thought is to examine if the Bible has a position on this kind of setup.  When a man is to leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, does that unity have to take place in the same house?  Christians are one and we don't all live in the same house now do we?
Relax pundits, I know I took that totally out of context.

#insertLOLemoji

The good doc further noted that this arrangement suits "couples who have sharp differences in living styles" and also helps to allow each person to "pursue his or her own lifestyle and priorities without having to alter things for the partner." uhm... remind me why you'd get married to that person then?

Back to the whole Biblical bit about becoming one.  Can this kind of setup facilitate that?  Can we truly be one with so much time apart? Will I genuinely get to know him, and he me, if that's how we do it? On the flip side would our marriage last if he did get to know me? LOL
#seriousFoodForThought.

What about the children?
#cueYolandaAdams

Interestingly, in my being married visions, our children are usually from his previous relationship(s) so they're either grown or living with their mom(s).  Before you judge me please see previous post's disclaimer LOL.  If we do have our own children they're somehow already teenagers or away at college - memba seh dream nuh walk straight - day dream wussara DWL

#covaMiFace 

The article does specifically speak to a benefit for blended families and not necessarily those created by the specific couples. I'm certainly of the view that while possibly ideal for some adults, it's not a proper setup for rearing kids.  There's something about kids being with their parents in one home that seems better; but then I'm biased.  That's what I benefited from; and many of my friends who didn't have that, though they turned out fine, often expressed a desire for their missing parent.  Besides, what would be the explanation to children whose parents are not separated or divorced, don't have jobs requiring them to be elsewhere, yet the kids have to take turns living in different locales or worse, one parent lives separately from them?

Out of Sight...

Big and serious though. 
I'd be lying if I didn't admit this setup has some appeal to me.  Still, on the flip side, how much damage can it do to a union?
Which is more likely - benefit or harm?  For instance, if someone's gonna be unfaithful in their relationship they will do so regardless of where the significant other is; but is unfaithfulness a greater/more likely possibility if wi carry wiself bout wi a live a different yard when we nuh haffi dweet?   Plus, a life in which the spouse "pursue[s] his or her own lifestyle and priorities without having to alter things for the partner" nuh might mek dem all figat seh dem married suh dem still decide fi date? LOL And how can a spouse not be one of a person's priorities?

Call me old fashioned I guess; but I think it makes more sense to stick with the conventional in this regard.  But maybe I should ask some married people to weigh in.

If you could afford it, would you? Why/ Why not?