Still Single?

#post40Dilemma

For a long while my biggest fear was falling in love with someone shorter than me; after all, my second toe is a wee bit longer than my first and we all know what that means.  Not to mention the fact that I'm a little taller than the average female and I love wearing three inch heels.

Never in my wildest dreams though would I have thought it conceivable to not fall in love at all ... Well actually I did fall in love, it just was never reciprocated.  Which is totally weird considering I'm not all that bad looking and (if you ask me at least) I've got a killer personality.  I'm reasonably talented in a few things, have a variety of interests, and though not of a YouTube video calibre with a pot and spatula, I haven't starved myself yet.

But before you go 'Oh dear' and feel compelled to DM and express some version of encouragement, let me make my for the record pronouncement:

I know and believe I am a completely whole person and not in need of a significant  other to be validated (I wrote a whole book about that ten years ago remember)

But hear me out.
There is an undeniable comfort in knowing that if you need to be rushed to the hospital at two in the morning, there is someone legally bound to do that PLUS stay with you during the ordeal.  They will not need to leave to tend their own family's needs because you are it!  Add that to the fact that you've gone and hauled your rear to another hemisphere where, after 'Hello' and 'Good Morning' it's gibberish from their lips to your ears; and you are going to want to know there's someone who feels justified to raise hell and see to it that you're getting optimum care should the need to do so arise.

(Well that's what I think happens anyway; but another thing we all know is that things look waaay different when you're on the outside looking in)

And of course I could just as easily haul my rear back home...

How to be Single

I recently added this movie to my Netflix watch list (I haven't got around to watching it; which I'm sure you probably realised because I most certainly would have tossed in a reference or two to something that happened LOL). 

Maybe I should do an addendum to this after I watch it - though it's not for research or guidance but rather for laughs. #RebelWilsonIsHilarious 

I actually do believe there are more benefits to being single - and that ladies and gentlemen is the crux of my problem. #conundrum
I face a complex battle between desperately desiring to keep the liberty I experience with being single, but fearing the repercussions of said liberty.

#AhhTheBeautyOfAging

Most of my friends are no longer single. Of course they have time for a chat or an occasional outing but they have the responsibility of a family depending on them and their energies are, rightly so, invested in those families. 
If I feel out in the cold it's because maybe I should have gone and got my own family.

Sidebar: I'm happy I can't tell my 30 year old self any of this because I'm sure I'd have tried to 'fix' it and stopped myself from some of the most fantastic experiences... But then the different ones probably would have been equally fantastic? #insertQuestioningShrugEmoji
I guess it doesn't matter since turning back time only happens in songs and movies and we see how chaotic it gets and that sh!t is scripted.

Sure there are no guarantees even if you check 'taken' but you gotta admit, a lot more is up in the air when no one feels obligated to you.

Sheesh. This line of reasoning does sound self serving. #almostEmbarrassed

Action Plan?

So what now? Well it's a good thing I like making lists so here's one I'm working on:

1. Tinder profile

Some people may frown on online dating but like everything it has some pros.  For starters it'll definitely widen my geographical reach - an absolute necessity when the likelihood of finding someone who speaks English, has remotely similar interests, AND has a similar religious persuasion  is slim.
Though, again if I'm willing to be honest, geographical reach may not be the problem of someone who has lived in three countries BESIDES their home country... #MiraclesFor1000

Which perhaps has inspired the next point of my brief list...

2. Scrap the falling in love narrative


Love is a decision.

While this is an idea I've often mused on, I've never actually put it into practice.
I figure it's past time to test this hypothesis.

#wishMeLuck